the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
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I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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