capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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