if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
