if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize