I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize