Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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