Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There's always time for handjobs
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
