Who wears a wallet chain?!
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
