Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
