you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
