Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
