I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
