hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She bit a glass in half.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
