Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
