yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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