Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You need a sexual gate keeper
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
