where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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