i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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