well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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