Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
