hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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