dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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