There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize