i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
