Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
