yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
