Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
