u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
