He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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