I have demons in me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize