yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
