I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
