Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
