More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
