ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
