I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
