Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i need some magic done to my vagina
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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