I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
