She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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