she takes plan B like it's going out of style
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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