Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
