drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
