I'm really into asian looking animals
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
