i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
