tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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