he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize