Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
