He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
