okay pat passed out under dana's car
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
