i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
