My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize