It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
