U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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