My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
