I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
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