Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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