All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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