I am in a vortex of obligation.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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