we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
