Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
