I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
