you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
