My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
