I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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