you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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