saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
