just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
