I faked an abortion last night.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
