So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
