hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
