i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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