Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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