oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
