i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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